Most people think of gift swapping with white elephants as an excuse to give unopened gifts and dump unwanted trash, but it’s a lot more fun if you go the extra mile to cause trouble. Trust us – TechToSee’ HR department actually forced us to halt our annual white elephant exchange because it got too wild a few years ago. So, to help you make a splash at your Christmas party this year, we’ve put together this quick list of the best white elephant gift ideas the world has ever seen. Enjoy!
If you haven’t read the Amazon reviews for these gelatin bears yet, ditch what you’re doing and go. consult them immediately. Did you do it? Well, if not, here’s the recap: These bears are made with a type of artificial sugar that is known to give some people explosive diarrhea. We’re not saying it’s guaranteed to piss off your friends and / or coworkers, but there is a chance it will. Also, don’t forget to wear brown pants to the party, just in case you get stuck with your own gift.
This one is a slow burn. At first people will laugh and get nostalgic for the singing bass that captured the heart of America in the winter of 99. Then whoever ends up with the bass will enthusiastically press the button, go through Billy’s songs several times. times, then will inevitably place it on his desk. Then, over the next few weeks, everyone in the office will need to hear “Take Me To The River” and “Dont Worry Be Happy” at least 12 times a day – which will most likely make someone crack up and go for it. thoroughly “Office Space Printer Sceneon Billy, causing a hilarious HR dispute resolution meeting.
These things are awesome. They are basically customizable masks made from an elastic fabric and designed to slide over your head. You can put anyone’s face on it and then put that face on your own face. It’s incredibly hilarious and guaranteed to make all of your coworkers laugh, especially if you manage to make the face of one of your bosses.
I don’t know what disposable cameras are that bring out debauchery in people, but for some reason they’re a sure-fire way to get everyone to party over their worst behavior. There is just something about a limited number of photos you can take (as well as an inability to review or delete what you have taken) that seems to encourage people to do outrageous and ill-advised things to do. the camera. No matter who ends up with this giveaway, there’s an almost 100% chance that all 27 shots will be used up on both cameras by the end of the night, and the resulting photos will be epic best. manners.
For those of you unfamiliar with the latest trends in ridiculously spicy foods, the Carolina Reaper is currently the hottest chili in the world. On average, these nasty little bastards register 1.64 million on the Scoville Heat Scale, which means they’re about 656 times hotter than the average jalapeño. This jerky is infused with it, and I guarantee you that as soon as it’s unpacked, the resident macho man in your office will stand up and offer to be the guinea pig. The point is, Bronson McBruiserfist doesn’t realize that unlike other spicy foods, you can’t really gobble up jerky and swallow it without chewing it. You have to let it sit in your mouth for a while for it to soften, so this stuff is pretty much guaranteed to destroy whoever eats it.
Pro tip: For even more fun, stick the lid on half a gallon of milk and include it in your gift wrap.
The good thing about living in America is that everything is for sale all the time, including the fireworks. Even if your state’s laws prohibit online ordering and out-of-state imports, you can usually get your hands on Roman candles on state borders – and with the right amount of eggnog at rum, your party friends will hopefully start to think it’s a good idea to light a few in the parking lot.
Ingredients: A 40-ounce bottle of Olde English, a pack of Marlboro cigarettes, Magnum condoms, a handful of bottled rockets, a pack of powdered donuts, a miniature American flag, and a roll of duct tape.
Instructions: Tape all the ingredients together as haphazardly as possible, and wrap it in a tattered paper bag. Despite the crappy presentation, this giveaway is still a crowd pleaser. People will argue and it will help you identify funny people in your office.
Despite being a few years old, the Shake Weight is still one of the best gag gifts money can buy. Why? Because it makes everyone who uses it feel like they’re training for the 2022 Wank Olympics. You’ll want your phone to be ready to record the test that will inevitably take place after Doug from Accounting has too many Peppermint Schnapps.
Do you know VistaPrint? The company that sells inexpensive customizable business cards? At the end of the day, they also sell very inexpensive and completely customizable calendars. That means you can make one out of nothing but all those drunken selfies you took with your cat last weekend, and then force someone to keep it on their desk for a year.
Shock Potato is essentially a modern reinvention of the classic Hot Potato kids game. The only difference is that instead of using an overheated root vegetable, you throw a small plastic ball that will randomly deliver a powerful electric shock to an unlucky person. Just make sure good old Pacemaker Jim doesn’t join in the fun. It could end badly.
I can pretty much guarantee that nothing will spice up your sultry holiday party like hearing your boss say the phrase “testicular torsion” and then asking the HR manager what that means. Nothing brings people together like a card game that encourages dirty and offensive humor.
Thanks to the miracles of modern technology, you can have your ugly mug screenprinted onto a T-shirt and delivered to your door in less than a week. Poor SOB who gets stuck with it will wear it like a champ, or give it to the nearest thrift store – after which it will likely be bought by a hipster and worn ironically for years to come. Either way, you win.
It doesn’t matter if it’s someone’s birthday – this card is a perfect way to start a scene at your holiday party. Once opened, the card will play an annoying “Happy Birthday” song at maximum volume until you destroy the speaker or the battery runs out, whichever comes first. It will run for about three hours before the battery runs out, and it’s designed to resist water damage, so your gift will have no choice but to crush or smash it. light on fire.